Adapting to Your Parents

Dr. Carl E. Pickhardt, a psychologist who discusses parenting consultations about children and adolescents on psychologytoday.com says, “To stay connected at this transition it’s time for the father to bridge adolescent differences with interest and relate on terms that matter to his teenage son. This doesn’t mean he has to buy a skateboard too. However, it does mean taking an active interest in his son’s new interest, being curious to learn about it by being open to be taught. Now their traditional roles are reversed, as he becomes the student and his son the teacher, the young man feeling respected in this new instructional role.”

The above is an expert opinion on how fathers should deal with their sons at adolescence. The following is my opinion to what you should be doing to acknowledge this issue as the teenager with a parent of different generation. We do not get to choose our own parents and thus one must consider the different ways to adapt to their parent’s short temper and frustration. I am not saying that your parents are bad parents, what I am saying is that if you feel (as a son or daughter) stuck in static with your parents, here is what you can do to melt the snow:

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  • First, take a few minutes to pause and sort out your feelings. Sometimes taking deep breaths can help one release their anger.
  • Second, try to consider the fact that maybe your parent has a point to his argument. Sometimes parents worry too much about their children out of love. Remember how he has helped you before despite the presence of a quarrel.
  • Third, consider what could possibly be going on in your parent’s life. Sometimes parents, especially fathers, tend to be furious at times because of their responsibility overload.
  • Fourth, remind your self that they are not only your parents but they are older than you so maintain a polite tone because an impolite behavior from your side can escalate the argument.
  • Fifth, try convincing your parents of your point of view at some other time. They might be angry or frustrated at the moment and if you constantly nag during an argument, that might be a contributing factor to their furious approach.
  • Sixth, try listening to your parents. Listen closely- not to their arguments- but to the wisdom that lies behind their arguments. Seventh, put yourself in your fathers shoes, be objective and accept reality if you have done something to be blamed for then accept the fact that your parents are protective and apologize.
  • Finally, arguments between parents and children are primarily because of trust and respect issues, if not because of their protective nature. So, make sure you earn their trust and respect before expecting them to understand your point of view or accept it.

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